End of Week 43 – At Loose Ends…..

I weighed today (Saturday) and was 269, which isn’t bad considering how traumatic March has been so far.

Dealing with my husband’s hospital stay and the death of my mother has not been conducive to healthy eating or exercise.  The eating has been mostly circumstance.  I’ve found myself in situations where fast food was the only option many times.  I did the best I could, which is probably why I haven’t really gained anything.

The lack of exercise is more emotionally based.  I went to the gym several times last week and this past week, but I really had to force myself to go.  I thought it might make me feel better, but that wasn’t the case.  Maybe the hurt is too fresh.

I keep reminding myself that Mom would not want me to give in to what I’m feeling.  She would not want this to beat me.  She would tell me to keep up the plan, to keep eating well and exercising and writing, to make this plan work and help others along the way.  I just miss her so much that it is really difficult right now.  However, I’m sure I will follow her advice, even though I’m getting it indirectly now.

Everything reminds me of mom.  When I need to get away from what is happening during the day, especially at work, my mind turns to memories of her.  Anything I see that involves dogs or birds makes me think of her (especially birds!).  I look at pictures of her a lot.  This will change eventually, but I’m not sure I want it to.

Change – the only constant in life.  My husband is retired and just had his first encounter with being a patient in a hospital.  My mom has passed.  My son is getting his Bachelor’s degree in a month.  In June I will turn 60 and in September I will complete 24 years on the job.  I am thinking long and hard about what my next moves should be.  Maybe it is time for a life change?  We’ll see.

Until next week…..

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